Ten of the worst 80s Slasher Movies I’ve seen
First off, I love slasher movies, love them. Am I obsessed? Probably, well definitely! I have seen hundreds of them. After watching all of those you experience a few that are just absurd, bad, or even worse…boring! While you discover a few hidden gems and some that are so bad they’re great, the so bad they’re bad ones seem to float to the top like a buoyant turd. With thousands of these damn movies produced from 1980-89 it seems the vast majority are trash. Here is a list of the bad ones I’ve seen, keep in mind I haven’t seen infamous slashers like Don’t Go in the Woods…Alone so I can’t add it the list. Also like many of my lists, this isn’t set in any particular order, so enjoy, heck watch these if you dare…I guess.
-The Prey (1984)
I have seen this on lists of hidden gems and I don’t know why. I mean it has the typical group of people in the woods setting, but that has been handled much better before and after this film. It took me at least 3 times to finish this movie, I find myself bored and wondering why I wasted 3 hours watching this movie, funny thing is, its only an hour and twenty minutes long.
-Rocktober Blood (1984)
Oh man, Rocktober Blood! I love 80s metal, I love slasher movies, then why didn’t I like this more? It is funny, I found this movie for a dollar at a pawn shop on VHS. I watched it a couple times, loaned it out a couple times then sold it on ebay for like $20. One of my favorite lines in this clusterfuck of dialogue? “I want to feel your hot pussy blood on my face.” Yeah, I know, what the hell?
-Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out (1989)
The original wasn’t a masterpiece, heck it is not even that good, but it was fun and twisted. The second movie I regretfully haven’t seen (how is that possible?!), but the third one, somehow, I owned 2 copies of this excrement. The moment you see what the killer looks like, complete with glass skull with brain in some green juice, you know it is going to suck.
-Humungous (1982)
A dark movie with young people crashing a dark boat on a dark island where they are chased by a big dark scary crazed murder. Did I mention the word dark? Yeah because this movie is so poorly lit that you cannot see what the hell is going on most of the time. It has potential, I mean as a whole it is not bad, but I can’t excuse the fact that I was staring at a black screen every 5 minutes.
-Junior (1984)
It is not the movie where Arnold Schwarzenegger gives birth, that movie is much better than this. Now that is really saying something. Another case of finding this movie on VHS for a dollar and selling it shortly after for nearly twenty. Junior has a hard time deciding what it is. Is it a slasher movie? Is it a dumb over the top troma-esque comedy? Yes! I guess. The killer is shown in broad daylight basically the whole time so any mystique and scariness is completely lost, it is just an odd movie.
-The Forest (1982)
Oh, another slasher movie based in the woods? Original! This one is just kind of uneventful and weird. There is a reason why it has such a low rating on IMDB, because it is boring and poorly executed. Yeah there are worse movies but there are plenty better.
-Iced (1989)
It takes place during the winter, that is the most original part of this movie. I will give it some credit because it is entertaining and the ending is laughably horrible but I can’t excuse the lack of originality. Everything is so formulaic and bland that it is easily skippable.
-Memorial Valley Massacre (1989)
Wow did every slasher movie from 1989 and 1984 suck? Yeah pretty much aside from a few. This one involves a caveman killing people at a newly opened campground. It is as absurd as it sounds and the acting is so wooden you could whittle it into a knife. Yes use a knife to make a knife, do you know a better way?! Dwight Schrute quotes aside, this movie really has no rewatchable value either and that is a big thumbs down from me.
-Splatter University (1984)
Dear lord, if it wasn’t for A Nightmare on Elm Street, 1984 could be one of the worst years for slasher movies. Technically it was originally shot in 81, but released in 84. Splatter University is cliché in every way. The characters are bland, the acting is bad, the killer is meh, and the kills aren’t anything special. This movie is so forgettable that I watched it last year, and I already forgot about most of the movie and had to refresh my memory for this list.
-Shocker (1989)
Man 89 is almost as bad as 1984! Wes Craven I believe is overrated as a director, while he created a handful of great horror movies, he made a lot of crap. This movie involves a serial killer being sent to the electric chair and coming out with the ability to travel through other people’s bodies by electricity. It is as dumb as it sounds!
