Clownhouse (1989) Directed by Victor Salva
One of the most common fears is Coulrophobia, better known as the fear of clowns. Well I can’t really blame people, clowns are creepy as shit. The constant smiling, stupid face paint, big red nose and the ridiculous shoes are completely unnecessary. Am I afraid of clowns? No, but I can understand the fear. There is basically a small subgenre of horror that preys on that fear. Killer Klowns from Outer Space is one of the best clown movies, there is also Clown, It, and The Clown that Dreaded Sundown. Ok, I admit I made the last one up, but people would probably watch it. Clownhouse immediately caught my interest since it’s an 80s slasher movie and it has a killer clown. Is it good? Is it scary? Or is it a “shitload of fuck” (to quote AVGN)? Well I figured I’d better take a swan dive into it, before March Madness starts and my attention goes elsewhere, so lets do this!
The movie starts off with a boy named Casey, he seems to be about 13 or so walking through his house, when he stumbles across a poster with clowns which makes him piss his pants…and makes me instantly laugh. I understand the fear of clowns, as stated earlier but I don’t understand a poster making someone piss themselves. Anyway we find out it’s a dream, and he wakes up to find that he pissed the bed. The next morning comes and his brother Geoffrey (I always read that G-aff-ree) comes in and helps him take care of his wet sheets, because he cares about his brother and is helpful. Of course there is the one douchebag brother, that has to be in every 80s movie, his name is Randy. Randy outs Casey’s bed wetting to their mother, what a nice guy! The scene also has bare underaged boy ass, hooray! I’m sure there are pedophiles that love this movie, at least for the first 10 minutes of the boys in their tighty whities. Well, they have breakfast and talk about what they’re going to do tonight after school, Randy wants to go to the circus and Geoffrey says Casey didn’t like it last year. Of course Randy doesn’t give a shit and makes fun of him. Randy is played by Sam Rockwell by the way, figured you might want to know that. Randy and Geoffrey walk out and get on the bus, passing by a dummy hung from a tree that is a Halloween decoration. Casey talks to his mom about not wanting to go to the circus but won’t say why. He runs out and gets on the bus too.
The next scene shows the boys walking around town, did I miss something here, didn’t they just get on a bus? Nope! Somehow they already went to school, got out and started walking around. They stop as a group of cop cars fly up to the “nuthouse” and they question what is going on. Suddenly day turns to night and they are at the circus. The transitioning in this movie is spot on! Casey says he wants to get his fortune told, Randy says it is stupid but Geoff talks him into it. They walk into the tent and the fortuneteller strolls out to dumb stock music. She takes him by the hand to a table, and then they sit down. After that she asks for his hand…but you already had it, and let go….whatever. The ugly fortuneteller says a bunch of cliché bullshit and says his lifeline on his palm is “severed” DUN DUNNNNN! So now the kid is scared he’s going to die AND scared to even be at the circus because of the clowns. Randy stands up to the fortuneteller, being a decent brother for once. Randy then quickly pulls a 180 and goes into douche mode, telling them to sit away from him so he can mack on some girl during the show. Cut to them in the big top watching a show, and Randy making out with Melissa, with Geoff and Casey sitting next to him. Thought he wanted to be alone? Anyway a clown stares at Casey and waves to him to come near, he’s creepy as shit, yeah I wouldn’t go near him. Casey realizes the clown was waving at a small child behind him and relaxes. Then boom, more clowns and Casey shits himself. No, not literally but his face is classic. The clowns look for a volunteer and of course who gets picked? Yeah, Casey. He refuses to do it, but the clown grabs him and pulls him up, causing him to freak out and run. Geoff runs off to find him and Randy feels guilty. Casey cries and Geoff comforts him.
Still at the circus/carnival the two boys play games and a creepy guy spies on the big top. Casey wins ball toss and gets a clown as a prize, ok cmon man! The creepy guy keeps spying on the carnival and somehow gets enjoyment out of balloon animals? Is that a fetish? The two boys find Randy and he’s pissed and wants to leave. The boys take off for home and they show the big top tent with the clowns getting their makeup off bitching about Casey being a pussy. The animals go nuts and the lights go off. They light a candle and the noises continue accompanied with a giggle. A clown goes to investigate and the creepy guy quickly peeks around the corner at him, the clown says hello and he gets grabbed and murdered. The other two go stand by the door when they’re attacked by two men in jumpsuits, assuming that they’re convicts or mental patients because it is a slasher movie. The guys rummage through the clowns’ stuff and they grab wigs and makeup. The three guys put on the makeup and clothes, and start laughing maniacally.
Cut now to Geoff looking in the mirror at himself with his shirt off, and Casey taking a bath. What is with the partial underage boy nudity? Randy says they could show some guts and tell ghost stories. Casey is an awful actor, Geoff is tolerable, and Randy is pretty dang good, not gonna lie. They continue to tell ghost stories to each other, while the clowns are shown walking down the street. Randy yells “the clowns are coming” and the boys throw a bunch of shit all over the place, for some reason. The clowns of course are outside their house and they stare at it. Casey says he has a bad feeling and looks out the window to see the three clowns playing with the noose from earlier. He turns to his brothers, then turns back and makes eye contact with the orange haired clown. He turns around and tells his brothers to come to the window, of course the clowns are gone and the noose is swinging. They go downstairs to make popcorn, but it is all out. Randy tells them that they have to go to the store and buy more in the middle of the night. They refuse and Randy decides to go, Casey gives in and goes with Randy, leaving Geoff home alone. The two boys walk right past the clowns, which are in plain sight by the huge tree.
The orange haired clown and the purple haired clown follow Randy and Casey, but again only Casey knows. They continue down the dark side road as the clowns chase after them without them knowing. Randy makes it to the store and Casey follows behind yelling for help. Of course no one believes Casey when he says someone was behind him. The two clowns take off behind the store waiting for the boys to come out. The dude from the store walks up to a barn after hearing some noises, smart! BOOM jump scare chicken!!! Ugh I hate jump scares! The music sounds like an electronic didgeridoo or something. The guy gets put in a full Nelson by Purple, while Orange touches his face and…blows on his fist? He acts like he’s blowing him up like a balloon, then he twists his head around, thus breaking his neck. That was kind of lame not going to lie.
Now they show Geoff cleaning the kitchen and the radio mentions 3 escaped mental patients, go figure. Again my theme of every town having an insane asylum, if yours doesn’t, then you’re a liar! The yellow haired spies on Geoff and he goes to investigate a noise and they cut to Randy and Casey walking down the road again. Casey ties his shoe and Randy disappears. Casey slowly looks up to see Orange staring at him in the distance. He carefully stands up as Orange waves at him, Casey bolts off down the road and Orange chases after him. He crashes into Randy and explains the clown is chasing him Randy thinks he’s weird and walks off, noticing he’s obviously scared to death, Randy holds his hand until they get home. Randy goes to the tree to take the dummy off the noose; Casey notices it has Geoff’s clothes on. Randy turns the dummy around and Geoff jumps out and scares him. Casey tells Geoff the clowns are really out there, and Geoff takes him inside. The boys watch a scary movie and eat popcorn, Randy keeps belching and Geoff yells at him. The power goes out, Geoff blames Randy. The front door creaks open and the boys hear it, they’re all scared to see who it is. The clowns walk into the house and upstairs. The boys continue to fight while the clowns approach, Randy walks out and turns, the clowns disappear. Their fuse box is apparently in the attic, that’s odd, usually their in the basement. The clowns watch Randy in the closet while he grabs some matches. Randy draws the short match and he has to go change the fuse in the attic. They fight again and Randy walks off. Casey goes to the window to see if the clowns are outside. They walk by the door and a clown hand appears, unbeknownst to them.
Randy is in the attic and notices white make up smeared on the railing. He twists a fuse and Yellow runs around behind him. He turns the attic light off and goes back downstairs. Geoff and Casey are reading a comic book and a clown looks in on them. Orange slowly opens the door, until he hears Randy beating on a pan dressed like a clown telling the boys to come down and see him. He keeps yelling “we’re coming!” He opens the door and Yellow sneaks up behind him but Randy shuts the door in his face, still doesn’t see the clown, really this is a running gag almost! Randy goes to the window and Yellow pulls his arm through and Randy struggles. Yellow pulls Randy through the window and they cut to Geoff and Casey yelling to Randy. Geoff goes to check on things and Casey tags along. Geoff and Casey stand at the top of the stairs, and Orange and Purple sneak up on them. They turn around and yell, they run downstairs and the clowns chase them. They run around the kitchen and back upstairs and into the attic. Purple comes up after them, and they hide. Geoff beats Purple with a 2X4 and Casey just keeps yelling his name. Purple falls down the stairs, seemingly unconscious.
The boys head back downstairs to the main level, they try to run out but the door is jammed or something so Geoff calls for help. Orange sneaks up behind Geoff and grabs him through a window; Casey gets a frying pan and bashes Orange in the face. They go back to the front door and Yellow grabs Geoff by the throat, Casey smashes a lamp over Yellow’s head and they run back upstairs, again. Yellow goes towards some shoes around the corner and the boys push him out of a window, where he crashes to the ground and dies. Casey mentions that there is still one in the house. They go back downstairs for the thousandth time, and they notice the front door is open. Geoff opens the window and sees that the dummy is now wearing Randy’s clown outfit. Casey pulls off the cover on the face and realizes it’s the dummy. Geoff tells him to go get help but Casey runs back in the house, I guess to kill the last clown or find Randy, idk. They find Randy in the clown makeup in the closet. They think he’s dead, but they never say he isn’t, it is quite odd. Casey hears a police siren and goes back in the dining room. He keeps staring at the window but puts his arm out to help Geoff, when Orange grabs him and Geoff falls down. Did the clown impersonate Geoff’s voice, or did he not notice the clown? I’m not quite sure. Casey runs away and hits the clown, causing him to fall over. Casey is an idiot and stands there over the clown, smart. He slowly picks up the phone off the clown and attempts to call the cops, he tells the officer that clowns are trying to get him. The officer tells the boy that he’s probably dreaming. What an awesome cop! Casey turns around and SURPRISE! The clown is now gone. He looks around for Orange, again going downstairs. If you watch this movie you see that the house is enormous, but inside you only see like three rooms. Casey runs to a room and “hides” under a table. Orange walks upstairs and looks for Casey, he stays still and doesn’t make a sound, somehow Orange doesn’t see him, rather pathetic. Orange leaves the room and Casey bumps the clown he won from the fair, of course it starts laughing, causing Orange to run back. Casey struggles with Orange on the ground but Geoff buries and axe into his back, killing him instantly. Geoff and Casey hug and cry, thus ending the movie. They show an outside shot of the house with the quote: “No man can hide from his fears; as they are a part of him, they will always know where he is hiding.”
Upon further research of this movie, I found out that Nathan Winters, the actor who played Casey was sexual assaulted by the director Salva. Salva did 15 months of a 3 year prison term and was released on parole. He later released the movie Powder in 1995, and Winters came forward again. Due to the controversy of during its production, Clownhouse became a small hit but disappeared. Salva later released the movies Jeepers Creepers and Jeepers Creepers 2. I guess now all the shots of the boys half naked and the shot of Casey’s bare ass makes sense, the director was a pedophile. No wonder Winters was such a terrible actor, I’m sure his mind was somewhere else during the making of this movie.
Clownhouse wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad either. It had it’s moments really, some of the scenes were genuinely creepy. The scene where Casey is running from the clowns on the way to the store was pretty awesome. The acting all around was rather bad, but Sam Rockwell did a good job being the jerky older brother. The clowns themselves were that scary, but they did a decent job at acting maniacal. The ending seemed kind of rushed, there was a lot of build up for very little pay off. The boys seemed to easily dispose of Yellow and Purple. Orange of course seemed to be the leader and it is justified that he died last. I honestly didn’t see Geoff burying the axe into Orange coming. I thought Casey would stab him with something, a la Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween. The atmosphere was pretty good and the relationship of the boys was believable. The kills happen mostly off scene and there isn’t much gore if you’re looking for that. I am kind of surprised that it got an R rating, there isn’t any obsessive cursing, gore or tits in it. It really should have been PG-13. All in all it was entertaining, if you like clown movies then watch it, if you are looking for a great rather unknown slasher movie, look elsewhere like Curtains or something. I give Clownhouse a B-, it was fun but not anything to write home about. Also, what the hell happened to Randy? Did he die? Was he just knocked out? If so, I’m pretty sure Purple was still alive, he was just hit in the face with a 2X4 by a kid. Now I’m always going to wonder what happened to Randy. DAMMIT!
