Scarecrows (1988) Directed by William Wesley
In the world of horror we always seem to get odd killers. We have had dolls, mummies, giant radioactive lizards, and even tires that have telekinetic powers. Why not have a movie with killer scarecrows? The idea is solid enough, especially after seeing what the scarecrows look like, which is genuinely frightening. Since slasher movies were still remotely popular in 1988, why not make a slasher movie with scarecrows killing people? Well apparently William Wesley thought this way when he wrote, directed, and produced this movie. I watched this over a span of four days, on my phone, on youtube. Also I don’t have the luxury of refreshing my memory via Wikipedia, since they do not have a summary of the scenes. This review will be taken right out of my memory, so if things are out of order or aren’t exactly right, whatever.
So the movie kicks off with a group of mercenaries hijacking a plane flown by a guy and his hot as hell daughter Kellie. I am surprised that this girl never did an 80s hairband video, I mean she’s that hot. Apparently the mercenaries stole $3million and they’re forcing the father and daughter to fly them to Mexico to escape. Suddenly Bert, one of the mercenaries grabs the loot and bails out of the plane, into the forest below. He crashes into a tree and his parachute gets tangled in the branches. The others force the guy to land the plane in a nearby field. So they go in search of Bert while he tries to get away with the money. Bert finds an old truck and drives until the gas runs out, which isn’t that far. The others can still talk to Bert through walkie-talkie. They show a field that contains a few old scarecrows on crosses. The scarecrows look cool as shit, and they must realize that because they show up close shots of these damn things like a hundred times throughout the movie, so get ready for that crap.
The mercenaries take Al (I think that’s the dads name, I don’t remember) and Kellie hostage and hold up in an old abandoned house. Jack, Curry, and Corbin go in search of Bert while Roxanne stays with Kellie. Somehow along the way Al gets out of the house, I’m not sure if they let him help search or he ran off without his daughter. I’m going to fast-forward a bit, because this part is kind of muddy in my memory, so obviously nothing of merit even happens. Bert is still wandering around, and how he thought he could make a break for it and not get caught by the others or the fricking police, is beyond me. Suddenly Bert turns around and a Scarecrow buries a knife into his stomach and kills him. The others lose radio contact with Bert but they still go on the lookout for him.
Al is wandering around later, still not sure what the hell he was supposed to be doing, but a scarecrow attacks him as well. The others find Bert and they start beating the shit out of him trying to get him to tell them where the money is. Corbin, whom looks like the bad guy in Over the Top, punches Bert in the face like ten times, and realizes Bert is not going to talk. They open Bert’s shirt to find that he has been gutted and stuffed with the money. They lop is head off and split the rest of his body open and dig out some of the cash. While overlooking the area Jack sees a scarecrow pop up in his binoculars and warns the others, which they basically think he’s an idiot. Jack and Curry go off into the woods again to find the money. Curry witnesses Jack get killed by a scarecrow and freaks out. Curry shoots the scarecrow multiple times, only to find it doesn’t really faze him. The others rush over to see what the commotion was, and Curry explains. Again they think he’s nuts. Jack is radioing back to Curry saying bizarre things. The others look on in confusion while Curry starts screaming and hollering about Jack coming back. Curry orders the others to leave the house, and he’s going to wait for Jack to return. The others leave into the scarecrow riddled woods again, for like the ten thousandth time in this movie. Roxanne is killed, not sure how I really don’t remember this movie is rather slow and boring so I may have drifted off at that point. I think she grabs for more money instead of running and gets stabbed by a scarecrow.
Kellie runs towards the plane with Corbin following her. It was about this time I realized that this was going to be one of those slasher movies where the hot girl doesn’t get naked, in fact there is no nudity whatsoever in the whole film. Scarecrows chase after the two and Kellie slides under the fence, Corbin tries to follow when a scarecrow buries a knife into his calf. The dude has a gun just shoot it bro! They continue to stab him repeatedly in the calf while he screams for her to just leave. She comes back and grabs the gun. She shoots both scarecrows in the face, blowing them away. Then they show Curry back at the house, Jack returns as a hideous creature and Curry notices Bert’s head is still alive. I can’t remember if Jack kills Curry but I assume he does. It is hilarious because it is just the same scene played two times in a row of her shooting. Corbin slides under the fence and they get into the plane. Kellie starts the plane and begins take off. Suddenly Al knocks down Corbin and he starts stalking towards Kellie, in slow motion for some reason. Like come on guys this is dragged out. He buries a knife into Kellie’s arm and she screams. Corbin gets up and fights with Al. Kellie is doing an awful job at keeping the plane steady, from the outside shot anyway, because in the inside they aren’t moving much haha. Then in one of the dumbest things I’ve seen in a horror movie, Corbin grabs a grenade, pulls the pin, then bear hugs Al. The grenade blows up, killing Corbin and Al, but the plane is unaffected. Ok let me get this straight, you blow up a grenade inside a plane, and the plane just keeps flying without a scratch? I call bullshit! Kellie screams and then the credits role.
Wow, that is all I can say. I didn’t know a movie that is only an hour and twenty minutes could drag on for so long. I made note that it is basically 48 minutes before a scarecrow moves, and 50 minutes before someone dies. So basically they cram all the deaths into 30minutes of the movie. Meanwhile you get to see close up shots of the scarecrows, horrendous acting by Kellie, and macho bullshit from Curry and Corbin. I read that this was supposed to be a slasher movie, but it really isn’t. I don’t know what to say this movie is exactly. Also I read that the story is, the ground the scarecrows are on is cursed. The scarecrows kill others and turn them into scarecrows, from which they remain for all time. That kind of sounds cool, but it really isn’t addressed much in the movie. The whole movie takes place at night, and you can’t see shit. It is not as bad as Humongous is with lighting but its pretty close, I’d say more comparable to The Final Terror. The makeup on the scarecrows is top notch they are scary as crap. What I don’t understand is the fact that the people are still alive and stuffed, supposed to be scarecrows but they’re really just zombies. I really wouldn’t suggest this to anyone, unless you love scarecrows more than life itself and can’t go on without watching it, or if someone is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to watch this. Like I said the acting is rough, especially from Kellie, so I can’t grade it too high. The only saving grace of this movie with me is that the gore is solid and the scarecrows look cool. This being said I’m going to grade this a D, it is too damn slow and confusing. This movie was kind of a mess.
