Don’t Go in the Woods (1981)
Directed by James Bryan
Low budget horror is hit or miss, and man theres way more misses than hits let me tell you. After the release of Halloween, then followed by Friday the 13th, millions of slasher movies poured out, some good, some bad, some somewhere in between. The majority of them were just Halloween clones, using the same formula over and over. Some movies though, didn’t give a shit about character development, backstory or even plot. Some of those movies are Don’t Go in the Woods.
Seen as somewhat of a shitty slasher movie, Don’t Go in the Woods was made for a laughable $20,000, which was a microbudget even for the 80s. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anyone say anything positive about this movie, usually considered one of the worst. I’ve always been a “see for myself” type of guy when it comes to movies so I found it on youtube. Not sure if the version I watched was just shit, but the quality was rather low, kind of blurry and grainy but man it gave me that old VHS feeling, you know that warm fuzzy feeling that’s hard to recreate. I have seen high def stills of this movie from what must be the bluray release, yes this has a bluray release and something like Out of Bounds or Body Count does not, hell Out of Bounds doesn’t even have a DVD release!
The plot? Well, there really isn’t much of one honestly! A group of people goes into the woods and some crazy woodsman starts killing them off. There isn’t a backstory, there is no character development, nothing. It is really hard to talk about this movie, because there really isn’t much of a plot or story and a lot of the characters look the same. We have Peter, Ingrid, Craig, Joanne, a bird watcher, and an artist. Yeah the two latter characters aren’t even named haha. There are two honeymooners, can’t remember the wife’s name but the husband’s name is Dick. Why do I remember this guy’s name? Well that’s because the wife says “DICK!” like twenty times in two minutes. They’re both killed, he’s stabbed or something and she’s pushed off a cliff in a van, which is hilarious because her screaming NEVER CHANGES even when she’s bouncing around in a van lol. The artist is killed by being stabbed to death hunched over a canvas and her young toddler daughter is taken. What happens to the toddler? You’re guess is as good as mine because its never mentioned again! A couple of random campers are slaughter with spears and bladed weapons. Peter is the main character; he sees the murders and rushes off to warn his friends. Craig ties up Joanne in her sleeping bag and hangs it up in a tree. WHY DUDE?! What an asshole. He gets stabbed by the killer and Joanne escapes off into the woods. Peter finds Ingrid and they stick together. Peter accidentally kills another hiker, thinking he’s the killer and drops one of the best lines in the movie “I’m sorry! I’m SORRY!” It is delivered with such deadpan, wooden acting that I laughed my ass off. They are able to flee to the police and are taken to the hospital. Peter goes back in the woods to find Joanne. Joanne gets hacked up with a machete and her body is found, leaving Peter hysterical. A random wheelchair guy gets his head lopped off at night. Peter finds the killer and stabs him at least 30 times, it’s a bit excessive haha. THE END huge on the screen which is expected for this.
What kind of acting would you expect in a movie like this? If you said horrible, then you’d be wrong. Its not horrible at all, its in fact THE WORST acting I’ve seen in a slasher movie. Now THAT statement is impressive. I have sat through some horrible acting in this genre before and this one takes the cake. There isn’t one good actor in this movie, from top to bottom its awkward. The dialogue is horrible the characters are flat and the line deliveries are atrocious. It is so bad that it is funny. In college I took a video production class, we had to make numerous short movies. The acting in those movies, was better than this.
The special effects aren’t bad for the small budget. Sure, some of the blood is orangey, like Dawn of the Dead style blood, but the kills are decent. The scene where Joanne is tied up in a sleeping bag dangling in a tree was suspenseful for even the short time before the killer arrived. The killer is kind of doofy looking. Think pirate meets caveman or something, it was an odd choice. The camera work was nothing spectacular either. The scenery was great but at night it was super hard to see anything. I heard they filmed most of this outside to save on lighting costs, smart. You get a lot of “what the fuck is going on” moments where you can’t make out what is happening due to lighting and odd camera angle choices.
While this isn’t the worst movie I’ve seen, its pretty bad. IMDB has it listed as a horror/comedy. I don’t think the comedy was purposeful. Just like The Evil Dead wasn’t suppose to be a comedy, it was just so stupid that they labeled it as such and now is heralded for being so. I truly believe this was suppose to be a serious horror movie, but the nonsensical plot, or lack thereof and the horrendous acting is laughable. I can’t give this an F, because I didn’t hate it. I think the movie would be stronger if it ended with Peter and Ingrid escaping the woods and not going back. That’s where the movie lost me. I don’t mind the lack of backstory or the lack of build. I kind of like the idea of a group of people, going into the woods and instantly shit hits the fan. It was a nice change of pace, but leaving the hospital to go back after the killer just slowed down the movie’s frantic pace. I would give this a solid D. It was entertaining but don’t get me wrong, it is bad.
