Student Bodies (1981)
Directed by Mickey Rose
The slasher genre ruled the 1980s, I’ve said it a million times on this blog and y’all know I’m obsessed with 80s slasher movies. It is crazy to think that by 1981 there was already a parody film in the genre. Student Bodies was ahead of it’s time, 20 years before Scary Movie. By fans of the genre this movie is greatly loved, but is it really good? That’s what I wanted to find out. Disclaimer, I’m not a big comedy/horror fan for the most part.
The plot for Student Bodies is cliché, but that’s the point. A school is being terrorized by a killer referred to as “the Breather” because he breathes heavily, like most slasher villains of the time. The Breather starts picking students off one by one in unconventional fashion. The students cover all the slasher tropes we’ve seen a million times, showers for no reason, random bursts of sex and idiocy. Of course, the main girl Toby (Kristen Riter) is a virgin and also being blamed for most of the murders, another cliché. So, she’s out to clear her name and find the killer at the same time.
The acting is below average to average for the genre. Not as good as the mainstream slashers but better than something like, Scalps or another piece of shit slasher no one watches but me haha. The comedy is hit or miss at best. I found myself laughing on and off for the first 20 minutes, after that I was just getting annoyed by the constant heavy breathing and ham-fisted jokes. There is a running gag where The Breather constantly steps in gum, it wasn’t even funny the first time and it happens at least 4 times after that. I saw a review of this online saying that it isn’t consistently funny enough to be a good comedy and isn’t scary enough to be a good horror movie, and man I couldn’t say it any better myself, that’s spot on. You get a wide array of odd characters, like the janitor that is incredibly skinny with the longest arms I’ve ever seen in my life. I guess Kristen Riter is likeable enough to be the main character and if the movie was better and maybe a serious slasher, she would be remembered. She’s cute and towards the end where she’s wearing the curly blonde wig and tight dress I was like “dang”. A lot of the actors didn’t have much of a career before or after this movie and you can kind of see why to be honest.
The kills are probably the funniest part of this movie. You get a deaths by: paper clips, chalk eraser, eggplant, and horse head bookend. Before each kill, the Breather either says what he’s going to kill them with or he scans over what items are in the area. The paper clips kill was especially funny because The Breather fumbles over a hatchet, butcher knife, hammer and other objects before settling on the paper clip.
Student Bodies to me, isn’t better than Scary Movie like many say it is. Yes it was before it’s time, but that doesn’t mean it is good. The laughs are just so few and far between after the first 20 minutes that I found myself shaking my head and groaning a lot during it. For the majority of the movie I just stared at the screen waiting for something to laugh at. The kills garner a chuckle from time to time but not enough to make this worthwhile. I think it is a one time watch for me, there are better slasher movies and better comedies. I give Student Bodies a D, it got a few laughs but all in all it was just a mess.
