The Human Centipede 3 Final Sequence (2015) Directed by Tom Six
Why? Why did I watch this? I suppose it is because I watched the other two? While the first one is genuinely disgusting and creepy, the second one was bizarre and over the top. The third one, well the third one was boring as shit! I know I am probably showing my hand too quickly but hey, I have done 29 reviews now, and that wears on a guy. I’m not sure why we needed a third installment in this series but alas Tom Six made one.
A psychotic prison warden named Bill Boss, great name…NOT, watches the end of Human Centipede 2 with his accountant Dwight. Bill says he hates the films and his assistant Daisy massages his feet. Daisy is played by Bree Olson, former or not former pornstar, whom is pretty damn gorgeous and funny by the way. She’s not really funny on the show, but she’s got some witty observations and zingers on twitter time and again. Daisy mentions that she enjoyed the movies, so Bill shoves his fingers into her snatch and says women shouldn’t have an opinion, then he sucks his fingers and now has probably 5 STDs because she’s a pornstar. Bill and Dwight are summoned to the scene of an assault within the prison. An inmate stabbed one of the officers and for punishment Bill decides to snap the arm of the prisoner. He promises to do it again when his bones are healed after saying racial slurs at him.
Back in the warden’s office, Bill receives a package. After asking what it contains, Bill reveals to Dwight that it’s a jar of specially imported dried African clits, which he eats for strength. Ok, that’s really bizarre and pointlessly gross, great job guys! Bill then waterboards an unruly inmate with boiling water, disfiguring him. Governor Hughes (Eric Roberts) arrives and orders Bill and Dwight to clean up their acting otherwise they’ll be fired. In an attempt to gain respect, Bill orders mass castration of the inmates and cut off one prisoners balls and eats them for lunch. Ok another pointlessly disgusting scene, great. Daisy is then forced to blow Bill in front of Dwight, who stamps papers in the corner. After he blows his load, Daisy eats one of the dried clits, thinking it is candy.
Bill has a nightmare about being raped in the kidney by an inmate he castrated, after getting drunk following an argument with Dwight. At this point in the movie I was falling asleep and waking up so I was totally confused at that scene. Finally, Dwight is able to pitch is idea from earlier. He suggests all the prisoners be sewn ass to mouth to form a huge human centipede. Bill is apposed to the idea saying it is in fact impossible, then he said Tom Six has a fetish for shit, which he probably does. However, when the director himself Tom Six is summoned to the prison, he warms up to the idea after being assured that its 100% accurate.
The first two films are screened in the canteen showing the prisoners what is going to happen to them. A riot breaks out and the guards are killed. Bill and Dwight flee to the office. An inmate beats Daisy and another one jerks off to the sight. Yup, another pointlessly gross scene, awesome guys. Bill jumps out of the window when the backup arrives to manage the heard of prisoners back to the cells. Bill goes around to each cell and shoots them with tranquilizers. Some prisoners can’t be in the centipede since one has a stoma and the other is disabled, so Bill kills them. They also discover an inmate has Crohn’s disease so he has constant diarrhea. Bill orders the castrated guy to be attached to him as punishment. He also breaks the man’s arm again. Bill and Dwight observe the operation with Six, who vomits after seeing the death row inmates being dismembered for a special project. Touring the cells, the trio discovers a mentally unstable inmate who is eating his own crap, and wants to be sewn into the centipede. Now wanting anyone to enjoy it, Bill shoots the guy. Ugh this movie and just having random, pointless gross out scenes is pathetic.
Tom Six leaves and Bill and Dwight visit Daisy whom is in a coma. Dwight reveals that he loves her as Bill rapes her motionless body. Classy guys, really classy! Almost as great as when Triple H dressed up like Kane and raped a mannequin that was suppose to be a dead girl. With the five hundred-person centipede complete, Governor Hughes arrives and is disgusted. Not only has the human centipede been created, but a human caterpillar has also been created out of inmates serving life sentences. The caterpillar is basically just a centipede without limbs. They also show that Daisy has been accidentally sew into the centipede. Hughes concludes that Dwight and Bill are insane and should get the death penalty before leaving the prison. Bill murders Dr. Jones and Hughes returns to the prison with a change of heart saying that the centipede is the punishment America needs. The film ends with Dwight and Bill celebrating their success. Dwight is shot and killed for trying to take credit for the idea, even though it was his idea in the first place. Bill is then seen dancing and screaming naked.
Oh jeez, why did I watch this? That’s what I kept asking myself. No it is not the most disgusting movie I have ever seen and I hate when people say that about the original. The most disgusting horror movie is, and always will be A Serbian Film. This movie was just horribly stupid and pointless, that’s why I question my choice. Dieter Laser was reaching Pacino levels of scream talking in the movie. Every line he said, he was basically screaming, it was annoying as all hell. The saddest part of the movie is that Bree Olson and Tiny Lister are the best actors. Let that sink in a bit, a woman who’s job was prior to this movie to lay down and take huge dongs in all her orifices like eight times a day, and a man that was in a Hulk Hogan movie and briefly a pro wrestler are the best actors. Eric Roberts is barely in the movie so I don’t know if I can say he’s much better than Olson and Lister. Laurence R. Harvey plays Dwight, and he’s probably one of the most disgusting guys I’ve ever seen. I think Azamat from Borat is somehow less disgusting. The idea is completely absurd, of course you can’t make a human centipede, well you could but it wouldn’t work that way. The multiple scenes that exist only to gross you out, kind of started pissing me off, they were just pointless. I can’t even really think of a positive in this movie, other than Bree Olson has nice boobs, that’s all I’ve got and all you have to do is google her and you can see those boobs without having to watch the damn movie! I would give this movie my first F. I wouldn’t watch this again, I shouldn’t have watched it the first time. I enjoyed the first one, and the second one was so out there that I laughed at it. The third installment is a complete waste of plastic used to make the dvds, it is a waste of space on the Netflix instant stream. Stay away from this movie.
