Die Die Delta Pi (2013) Directed by Sean Donohue & Christopher Leto
First off I have to mention that I was home sick the other day, so I decided to watch this movie. I tended to space out a couple times and the dog kept wanting to go outside, so I might have missed a couple things. Secret, when I type these summaries, I tend to look on Wikipedia or IMDB to refresh my memory and fact check myself. Die Die Delta Pi does not have a Wikipedia page, and the IMDB page has one review, and no scene-by-scene summary, with this being said I’m doing this by memory, much like the Scarecrows review from last week.
The movie starts off in 1986 (my birth year, barely) where the girls of Delta Pi sorority at Sun State College are planning a yearly spring break ritual. They usually have a bon fire where they paddle new pledges and burn dummies that they made of themselves? It’s a really odd ritual but hey sororities are kind of stupid, in my opinion. Here we see some terrible actresses in unrealistic situations. Like the girls putting their makeup on for the toga party, and a topless girl walks up and stands there. As a man I would like to think that girls just walk around tits out with each other all the time, but my wife assures me that doesn’t happen. Sad day. I honestly can’t remember the names of the girls in this movie except for Marissa, the cute shy girl that all the other bitches hate. I understand that I can look on IMDB for the other names, but hey most of these people don’t have pictures so its not going to help me much lol.
We meet the housemother, whom looks like Blackie Lawless from W.A.S.P. and she’s a real bitch, obviously she’s no Mrs. Garrett. The girls hate her and tell her how ugly she is. The housemother walks off and grumbles about something. Later we see the girls talking to Marissa being totally mean to her, because she’s smart and awkward. This tall dark haired girl acts fake nice to her, inviting her to the ritual bonfire and Marissa agrees excitedly. The other girls yell at the dark haired girl, whom I believe is named Donna? They’re mad that she invited Marissa, but Donna assures them that she has a plan for Marissa.
The bonfire starts with some frat douchers setting up the fire, and the Mexican girl snagging a beer from them. They decide to have the party even with a murder happening on campus earlier. Everyone shows up and their having a good time, they include Marissa. They break out the paddle, a sorority cliché, and paddle Marissa’s ass four times. When she turns around, one girl says “NOW!” and starts spraying her with silly string, one of the frat boys advises against it, but it is too late, Marissa falls down and gets burned horribly from the flammable string. One guy that looks like Roy from the office checks on her, and runs off to get help. Everyone else of course just runs away like assholes. Roy goes into the house and sees two people making out, he yells at them, and moves the girl over to find both of their throats are slit open. A few more people get murdered, and the killer attacks Roy, whom gets stabbed in the stomach. Roy grabs a pot of boiling water and throws it into the killer’s face, the killer ends up being old Blackie Lawless, so surprise really.
Flash forward to present day where Donna is dropping her daughter off at Sun State College for the first time. I believe the daughter’s name is Diana. Diana meets with two friends to help set up her dorm and such. Donna drives off and goes to the lake side where the bonfire took place in the 80s, when a lady cop sees her and talks to her. The cop was a former Delta Pi member, can’t remember her name sorry. They talk about how terrible that night was and how they must move on, Marissa was never found nor was Blackie Lawless. Donna then realizes that Delta Pi is now recruiting for the first time since the incident. Dianna and her friends want to join and they go through the whole initiation. Dianna doesn’t have to do the tests because she Donna was a former member. We meet some more of Dianna’s friends, of course I don’t remember names so this is how I describe them: Racist Meathead, Asian guy, girl with big boobs, small blonde girl, and tall brown bald guy. Racist Meathead is probably the most annoying character I have seen in forever. He constantly says racist things to the Asian guy, but he’s still his friend…odd.
Meanwhile Donna goes to visit an old friend whom is now in a psych ward (again, I’m seeing a trend here) since the accident. I honestly can’t remember the name of the woman, but she’ll be known as crazy blonde woman. Donna talks to her about that night and how it wasn’t her fault, it was just a big accident. Crazy blonde woman says that they never found Marissa’s body and she feels awful for how she treated her so badly, just for being smart and shy.
Dianna and her friends start the bonfire and have a few drinks. Of course they strip down to their underwear, and the little blonde girl takes her top off. They continue to talk and hammer drinks. One girl tells the story of Marissa and the accident, since she heard it from her mother. Meanwhile, the crazy blonde woman is attacked at the psych ward and murdered. Two of the girls go back to the house to use the bathroom and get more booze, and are murdered. The other girls start to worry and go looking for them. A few other people are killed, one person’s head is cut off and it spurts blood all over the place, its pretty badass. Donna comes to rescue her daughter after hearing of the crazy blonde woman dying. The cop and Donna come to the college and search for the killer. We get a backstory from another cop whom was a sophomore at the college the night Marissa was killed and he tells about the housemother and Marissa killing someone earlier that day. He always thought it was a prank and not real. Yeah that makes sense dude! Anyway they end up finding the killers and kill the both of them. One is Marissa with a horrible scarred face and the other is the housemother with the same scars. All of Dianna’s friends basically die, especially happy the racist meathead died.
Ok I’m sorry if I missed anything, and my lack of knowledge on the character’s names. This isn’t a great movie and I doubt any of you have seen this, or even heard of it. I found it at Meijer for like $4 and thought it looked awful so I had to buy it. The camera work is awful, some of it is still shot, that works great, other times it is horribly shaky and disorientating. The story is really nothing new, but I assume that is the point since it’s basically a parody movie, or I just assumed it was. None of the actors are that great, but it’s a micro-budget movie so I didn’t expect some Tom Hanks level of thespianism. The gore is actually kind of impressive for how low budget this is. I remember thinking the kills were kind of cool but now I really don’t remember much of them, which is a bummer. I don’t think I would recommend this to many people, unless you love to laugh at terrible movies. I would give Die Die Delta Pie a D. It is not the worst low budget horror movie I have seen, but it is definitely far from the best.
