Monster Squad (1987) Directed by Fred Dekker
Ah the 80s, a glorious time for horror movies and coming of age comedies. Every once in a while those two awesome genres mixed, this was the case for Monster Squad a comedic kids horror flick. Along the lines of Gremlins and even The Goonies, Monster Squad is a loved nostalgic movies for kids of that time. This was the first time I saw this movie, seeing that I was probably like 6 months old when it came out. Thanks to Netflix I was able to watch this movie for the first time.
Monster Squad is a preteen boys club founded by Sean. The other members are Eugene, Patrick, Horace, and Rudy. Sean is obsessed with movie monsters and knows everything there is to know about them. His mother gives him a book written by Abraham Van Helsing, of Dracula fame. Sean along with the other guys in the Monster Squad visit an old German man that tells them all the stories of Van Helsing and his adventures. The book tells of an amulet that is composed of concentrated good. Once every hundred the years that amulet becomes vulnerable and can be destroyed. Realizing that day is nearly upon them the boys set out to find the amulet, use it and cast a black hole that sends monsters into limbo. At the beginning of the film it shows Van Helsing unsuccessfully trying to open the portal and vanquish Count Dracula. Van Helsing’s followers took the amulet and hid it in the United States so Dracula couldn’t find it.
Dracula is now seeking the amulet and hopes to retrieve it before the squad does, so he can control the world. Dracula assembles his dream team of monsters Wolfman, Frankenstein’s Monster, Gillman, and a Mummy are brought to help. Dracula also transforms three girls into vampires. Frankenstein’s Monster is unwilling to help Dracula and wanders off. The monster comes across Phoebe, Sean’s little sister and befriends her. Phoebe brings him to meet the boys and they learn he is there to help them find the amulet before Dracula.
The boys track down the amulet in a house that Dracula is staying in. The room is covered in wards that keep the monsters from taking the amulet. The Wolfman attack’s Horace and he kicks him in the balls. It is at this point where the famous line “Wolfman has nards!” is uttered. The boys grab it and narrowly escape the clutches of the monsters. The German man then tells them that the passage in the book must be read by a female virgin. The recruit Patrick’s older sister Lisa since she is the only female virgin they know that can read German. The Mummy attacks and is unraveled by the boys on the way to the church. Dracula blows up their clubhouse and attacks Sean’s dad, whom is a police officer. The church is closed so they must face the monsters without the power of religion. Lisa reads the passage but it fails, then she admits that she’s not a virgin…skank. Suddenly the three vampire girls show up and Rudy goes badass on them shooting stakes into their chests. Sean’s dad blows up the Wolfman with dynamite but he just pops back together, until Rudy shoots him with a silver bullet. The Wolfman changes back to a man and thanks Rudy for ending his life. Horace blows a hole into the Gillman’s chest thus ending his life.
Eugene realizes that Phoebe, only being 5 is obviously a virgin. The old German man reads the passage and Phoebe repeats his words whilst holding the amulet. Dracula tries to kill Phoebe when Frankenstein’s monster comes back and impales Dracula on a fence. The portal opens when she finishes the passage, thus sucking all the monsters in. When Dracula gets sucked in you see the spirit of Van Helsing holding him and he gives Sean a thumbs up after Sean puts a stake into Drac’s chest. A heart wrenching scene is when the Frankenstein Monster gets pulled in after saving Phoebe and she throws him her stuffed animal. The movie ends and the boys saved the day, when the army shows up. Sean walks to the commander and hands him his business card saying that they’re the Monster Squad.
This movie was good, just good. I feel like if I saw this as a kid I’d love it! I would have more of a connection to it if I saw this at a young age. Seeing it as an adult I thought it was just alright, not bad not great. I prefer the Goonies to be honest. The story was good with the boys trying to stop the monsters. It was also cool seeing all the Universal Monsters in one movie. I had some random thoughts during the movie, there was one scene where Wayne from the Wonder Years was picking on Horace for being fat, because that’s what kids do when they’re assholes. It made me laugh because Jason Hervey always played a douche in everything. For the rest of my life, every time I see that guy I will always just call him Butthead, since he called Kevin that probably five times an episode on the Wonder Years. Another thing that I had to research was about Eugene, his name is Michael Faustino, I thought maybe he was Budd Bundy’s(David Faustino) brother or something. As far as I could find, they aren’t related? If anyone can let me know that would be cool. If you have a kid that is interested in watching horror movies, have them watch this. It has its scary parts for kids but nothing bad enough to give them nightmares. If you love the 80s and movies of this type, give it a watch. Afterall, this is on Netflix streaming, pretty much everyone has that nowadays. I give Monster Squad a solid B, like I said it is my first time watching it and I thought it was decent.
