Is it really THAT bad?
Jaws 3-D (1983)
Directed by: Joe Alves
I mentioned doing a segment last year on this blog called “Is it really THAT bad?” where I watch movies that are typically hated critically or by the masses. I never got around to doing it last year, but this year I have been more organized and it has given me a chance to try it. Thanks to Netflix for adding all the Jaws movies a while back I had the chance to watch Jaws 3-D and decide whether it is as bad as it is known for.
In the early to mid 80s, 3-D movies were becoming all the rage with entries such as Friday the 13th Part 3 and Amityville 3. It seemed that every third installment of a movie was in 3-D at that time. So it only made sense that the third movie in the Jaws series also take advantage of the technology. Now keep in mind this was 1983 and the technology wasn’t as advanced as it is today where movies such as Avatar blew us away with 3-D. This was infancy of the 3-D style and it was meh at best. At the time they tried to force the 3-D moments as well such as purposely shoving a shovel at the camera, it is pointless to what is going on and only exists to show the 3-D aspects. This movie has plenty of those moments. Keeping with the spoiler free reviews I write now, let me take a look and decide whether this movie blows or if it has some redeeming factors.
The story is super 80s and super simple. A huge shark breaks into a SeaWorld park and starts causing havoc. Yeah it is simple, it is straight to the point and honestly it is kind of an interesting angle. This SeaWorld park is huge and very high tech for the time. For some reason it is built right into a beach of the ocean, and there is only a flimsy steel gate that keeps the outside life out and the TRAPPED animals inside the park. Really if you think about it SeaWorld is a shitty deal. They capture these animals and put them in a theme park for us to look at. Living in captivity the animals have drastically shorter lives. Sometimes they do rescue injured and handicapped animals, nurse them to health and either release them back or keep them in captivity because they’re unable to fend for themselves. In those cases, SeaWorld is great, but in other cases it kinda sucks. Watch Blackfish if you want to learn more about SeaWorld. Anyway, end of rant. This flimsy gate is suspect right from the beginning, I mean sharks and whales are huge, strong animals that can easy destroy said gate. You kind of see the whole issue with the giant Great White entering the exhibit right from the beginning so the suspense is lacking.
The cast is actually pretty good. Dennis Quad is the main character Mike Brody, he is always pretty solid but here I’m not sure if it is the script or just his young career but he’s not that great. Not sure if he’s the owner or just the man in charge but Louis Gossett Jr (CHAPPY!) plays that character. Gossett is another actor that is typically quite entertaining but his character just falls flat. Lea Thompson has a small role in this film playing Kelly the girlfriend of Sean Brody (John Putch), Mike’s brother. I love Lea Thompson, she’s one of my 80s crushes, seriously she’s pretty gorgeous. The acting by the cast as a whole is ok, nothing to really write home about and with the absurdity of the movie as a whole it could be worse.
The special effects are really where the movie falls flat. My god are they just bad. Jaws was made nearly 10 years before this and has better effects by far. Jaws 3-D tries to force so many 3-D aspects and moments that you find yourself laughing. Whether it’s a harpoon pointing at the camera or the shark swimming towards you, it is so bad that it could never be taken seriously. The blood is decent, but you really don’t get much gore to look at. There is a scene toward the end where the shark swims towards the crew and it is obvious that it is superimposed on the screen. The shark hardly moves then boom it breaks some CG glass. The glass looks to be about 20 feet or more away from the shark. The ending scene has an explosion that is beyond terrible as well. I can’t really explain much more without spoiling the movie. I’m not sure how movies like Star Wars can look so convincing and the effects hold up 40 years after it was made but movies younger than them look awful. Jaws 3-D has aged terribly and I really wonder if it looked good back in 1983.
Now for the question: Is it really THAT bad? This movie is known as one of the worst of the 80s and of all time. I really can’t say it is one of the worst though, because it was entertaining. The idea was interesting but it lacked suspense. The original Jaws had so many suspenseful moments where you felt anxious for the characters. Jaws 3-D just kind of happens and the poor special effects take you out of the movie and make you aware that you’re watching a movie. I have seen plenty of worst movies before, hell I’ve seen plenty of worse shark movies before such as Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus or whatever the fuck that POS is called. Even though this movie isn’t as bad as they say, I can’t give it anything higher than a D+. THE THIRD DIMENSION IS TERROR!!!!!
