Pet Sematary (1989) Directed by Mary Lambert
Another movie I saw at a younger age, this time probably like 10 or so. I remember a couple things from this movie that had an impact on me. The main thing that scared me more than anything was Zelda, the makeup on that woman was crazy and it scared the shit out of me. The other two things I remember were the still cat being pulled out of the grass and the little boy getting smashed by the semi. After a two-mile walk I pulled up a seat, with the pupster and watched this for the first time in a couple years.
A family moves to a new house in Maine on a really busy highway. The Creed family consists of Louis, Rachel, and their children Ellie and Gage. They have an old man neighbor named Jud who has the coolest voice/accent ever, that I can’t quite pin down. Jud has been parodied on South Park before, if you’re a fan of the show you know what I’m talking about, I’ll leave it at that. In one scene Gage who is like 1 maybe 2 stumbles out towards the busy road and Jud grabs him at the last second, proving the parents are pretty shitty and don’t pay attention to their small child, great foreshadowing! Jud takes the family to an old pet cemetery that is spelled “Pet Sematary” why? Who knows? While at work one day at the hospital, Louis meets Victor Pascow, who has serious injuries from an accident; he calls Louis by name even though they’ve never met before. After Victor dies, he comes to Louis in a dream to tell him about the dangers of the cemetery. Louis awakens thinking it was a dream but his feet are dirty as hell, well time to throw out those sheets tool. During Thanksgiving the cat gets splattered on the highway. Jud takes Louis beyond the cemetery and buries the cat where the real burial ground is. The burial ground is some sort of Indian burial ground, which nothing good ever comes from in movies, so why would it here?
The next day, the cat is back to life, but now he’s a dick. The family returns from the trip back home and Louis plays off the as if the cat never died. I swear some parents just need to let their kids know about death, I knew about death from a young age and I turned out fine. Later on in the movie the family is outside flying a kite, again Louis gets distracted while Gage is flying it. Gage drops the kite and chases after it, of course towards the road. Louis is completely oblivious until Jud yells at him. Louis takes off sprinting towards Gage but falls down because this is a horror movie and a full grown man can’t catch a toddler then trips over nothing. A semi barrels down the road, slams on its brakes and plows over Gage. We see the truck is now tipped over and then a little shoe comes flying into the frame, that’s a common movie trope isn’t it? Anyway we get a super intense “NOOOOOOOO” scream from Louis that is almost hilarious. Rachel retells a story of how her sister Zelda died, Zelda had a disease that I can’t remember, scoliosis or something I don’t know. Basically Rachel was forced to help take care of her, she wished Zelda would die so she didn’t have to take care of her, kind of grim. Anyway, Zelda choked on some food that Rachel fed her and she died. From then on Rachel felt guilty, thinking she killed Zelda and never got over it. That scene scared the shit out me when I first saw it, its pretty disturbing. I know Mike from Slashercast agrees with me as he has mentioned it a few times on the show.
That night Louis questions Jud on whether a person has ever been buried in the cemetery or not. Jud tells the story of a dude named Bill who buried his son that died in WWII. The son came back to life and was basically a zombie that had a murderous streak and destroyed shit. Jud and some of the other townspeople burnt the house down with Bill and his son inside. Jud mentions when something is buried there, it comes back but it’s not the same. Rachel and Ellie go on a trip and Louis stays home. Of course Louis goes and digs up Gage’s corpse to bury in the pet cemetery. How no one notices Louis doing this is beyond me. So he takes Gage and buries him in the cemetery and returns home to sleep. Even though Jud and the ghost of Pascow warn him multiple times not to do it. Gage comes back to life but is a zombie like version of himself that has the urge to kill. He walks into the house and grabs a scalpel. Rachel has visions of Pascow warning her of what is going on, that she needs to get home so she does. She attempts to call Jud and warn him but she can’t get ahold of him. Jud hears Gage giggling in the room, so he walks in to look for him. Gage cuts Jud’s achille’s tendon with the scalpel causing him to fall over. Then Gage comes towards him with the scalpel in hand. I always hated this part, I mean he’s a fucking baby! Kick him in the face for crying out loud don’t just sit there and let him kill you! Gage cuts Jud’s mouth open and then bites his throat out.
Rachel finally makes it home and she hears a voice calling her, she walks into the house and hears the same giggles Jud heard. She starts having visions of Zelda, that are even creepier than the original scene shown earlier, yikes! Gage walks up with scalpel in hand, Rachel is in shock and hugs him, but Gage kills her. Louis FINALLY wakes up and notices Gage’s footprints in the house and notices his scalpel is missing. Somehow Gage calls him on the phone and says he’s “played” with Jud and Rachel and wants to play with him now. Louis fills up two syringes with morphine and heads over to Jud’s house. He meets the cat along the way and throws him a big steak, ugh waste! While the cat eats the steak he injects him with the morphine, and the cat dies. I have to mention that this cat is an awesome actor, I mean c’mon he collapses and doesn’t move, that’s pretty awesome. He enters the house getting taunted by Gage. Louis discovers Jud’s corpse and then sees Rachel’s corpse hanging by her neck. He fights with Gage for a bit, which is ridiculous by the way. Then he injects Gage with the syringe and he slowly dies. He lights the house on fire and carries Rachel out. Despite Pascow again telling him not to bury another loved one in the cemetery, dumbass Louis does it anyway this time with Rachel. Pascow cries out in frustration and Louis walks through him. Later that night Rachel comes back and whilst hugging and kissing him, grabs a knife and stabs Louis.
This movie is pretty dang corny, I mean it’s a product of its time. Pet Sematary is an 80s movie through and through. The corny “NOOOOOO” after Gage is hit is definitely over the top and probably wouldn’t happen, or maybe I don’t know! It has its good moments and bad moments. The idea of the movie is kind of cool, thanks Stephen King! It is annoying how many times Louis goes and buries something in the cemetery. Also Gage is so small, how did he make it all the way back to the house, climbing those rocks that Louis struggled with originally? Another thing I had beef with was the fact that Gage doesn’t have any real injuries after getting smoked by that truck, a kid that small would be a puddle of goo stuck to the highway! Again when Jud dies, why doesn’t he kick Gage like Jason Hanson kicking a pointless field goal to make the Lions game 42-3? I understand that was a weird reference, but hey the Lions suck, but I love them. It would be a cold day in hell if that little dick killed me that easily. Perhaps Jud was wasted? He drinks a lot in the movie, I mean if I was an old man, living alone, retired…I would probably keep a steady buzz most of the time. Like I said before, the cat is an awesome actor! He probably gives the best performance. I might be alone saying this, but I hate Miko Hughes! I never find that annoying little kid funny or cute like everyone else does. This is his first movie, then he went on to say, “boys have penises and girls have vaginas” in Kindergarten Cop, and everyone fell in love for a brief moment in the early 90s. Then we had to deal with him in New Nightmare, ugh I like that movie but hate Miko, sorry not sorry. I would give this movie a B-, it is campy fun, very corny in parts but fun to watch, give it a look.
